Coming Out, Help!
Coming out is a personal journey, it doesn’t usually happen the moment you realise you are LGBTQIA+. It usually happens after months or years of internal questioning. You may have asked yourself the following.
"Am I really LGBTQ+?"
"How can I be sure?"
"What if they don't accept me?"
To those reading this, there is nothing wrong with you.
The unfortunate reality for queer people, even in 2025, is that we can be scared to come out due to having to live in a society that does not fully deem us as ‘normal’ (what even is that anyway).
The problem is not you, it’s other people.
That being said, of course the view of LGBTQIA+ lives has improved, more people are open and accepting towards us, there are still however, a lot more that could be improved.
When NOT to come out as LGBTQIA+?
You can ChatGPT the question as much as you like, but ultimately it comes down to quite a few factors.
Whether you are coming out to friends or family, please be mindful of these.
Are you safe from physical and emotional abuse?
First foremost you need to make sure you are safe.
Are you living with people or in daily contact with people you know could have negative discriminatory views or reactions about your identity? If so, the time to come out is not now.
The best thing you could do is make sure you get the right help, to navigate your way through this hard time. There are plenty of charities and organisations that are run by LGBTQIA+ people, to help those in your situation. Please use them.
If you are unsure how to find them, there will be links at the bottom of this page for the UK. If you are under 18, links for youth support will be at the bottom of the page too.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999 now.
Are you financially reliant on someone with homophobic or transphobic views?
If the answer is yes, avoid coming out until you are financially secure.
The risk of coming out when you are reliant on someone for housing and food, could be dangerous. It isn’t certain if they would ask you to leave your home, or cut off your financial support.
It is important to seek help as soon as possible, to ensure you are able to financially cope should this occur.
At the bottom of this blog post, will be links to organisations that help in these particular situations. If you are still in school, talk to your school counsellor or a trusted teacher so that they could support you further and ensure your safety.
Are you being pressured to come out?
The great thing about coming out is that it is something that should be done on your own timeline.
You should be in control of when you come out, who you want to tell and how you want to tell them. If you are feeling pressured to come out, by a friend or a family member it is important you set your boundaries and do what feels right for you.
If you feel you are being bullied or threatened then please go to the bottom of this blog post, there will be links for organisations that can help you. If you are under the age of 18, there will be links to direct you to help too.
When SHOULD I come out as LGBTQIA+?
Are you emotionally ready?
If you are feeling emotionally ready and are in a comfortable and safe position to come out, then this might be a good time to have a conversation with friends or family about how you are feeling. It can be really nerve wracking even if you know they won’t mind, but as long as you know you are in a safe environment, it's important to do what's right for you.
If you are not 100% confident in your identity e.g. you are unsure if you are gay or bisexual, having a conversation with someone supportive is a strong step in navigating who you are. Feel free to scroll down to the ‘how’ section of this blog for ideas on how to come out.
Do you have a strong support system?
Have you told close friends already and are they supportive of who you are?
Should coming out to your family go pear shaped, would you be able to stay with supportive friends for a few days, or chat with them openly?
Have you been going to therapy or speaking to a counsellor to prepare you for coming out to your parents, family and friends?
Or, attending online groups, where people are going through similar situations?
Sometimes before coming out, building a community of people around you can be beneficial to gain that much needed support you are missing. It can be a good way of building a support bubble of like-minded individuals who can give you the much needed perspective.
It can also help your mental health, it is hard carrying the ‘secret’, it can feel like a weight that is never-ending. Sharing your identity with someone who understands can be an amazing first step.
Are you in a safe environment?
If you are in a safe environment, where you are fully aware of your family and friend’s views, then coming out could be a really positive experience.
It can build a stronger relationship between yourself and others, as you are finally being yourself. It can help educate people, who are allies of the LGBTQIA+ community, but aren’t knowledgeable on queer struggles.
But more importantly, it will allow you to live freely, loving who you want and presenting how you feel.
So, HOW do I come out as LGBTQIA+?
Good question! There are so many ways to come out, it just depends on your audience and what you feel comfortable doing.
Schedule a chat
One of the easiest but most nerve-wracking ways of coming out as LGBTQIA+, is by telling someone face to face.
You could ask to speak to them, and have a sit-down chat, explaining how you feel and telling them who you are.
From personal experience, I know how scary this can be and so if this is something that doesn't work for you, then here are some other options.
Write them a letter
You could write them a letter, explaining how you feel. This can be a good way of getting how you feel down on paper, it is authentic, does not need to be rehearsed over in your head and it means you can avoid having an intense, anxiety provoking conversation.
You can actually think about what you can say, and get it all out at once, rather than stumbling over your words!
For those of you who need support in the UK, we have pulled together the list below.
Abuse Helplines & Organisations For LGBTQIA+ People (UK)
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Galop - LGBT Anti-Abuse Charity (Nationwide) |
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Loving Me - Domestic Abuse & Sexual Violence Helpline (Trans & Nonbinary 18+) (Nationwide) |
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Switchboard LGBT - Helpline, can provide LGBT therapists, referrals. (Nationwide) |
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The Outside Project - Community Shelter, Centre and Domestic Abuse Refuge (London) |
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Rise - Domestic Abuse & Violence Support (Brighton & Hove) |
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LGBT Foundation - Domestic Abuse Support (Greater Manchester (Manchester, Salford, Trafford, Stockport, Tameside, Bury, Bolton, Oldham, Rochdale, and Wigan) & Liverpool who are aged 16 and above. |
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Scotland’s Domestic Abuse & Forced Marriage Helpline (LGBTQ Specific Section) - 24/7 Support Available, providing domestic abuse support. (Scotland) |
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Star Support - Support for LGBTQ+ Survivors of Domestic Abuse (London) |
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London Friend - Domestic Abuse Counselling (London) |
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Birmingham LGBT - Domestic Abuse Support & Advice (Birmingham) |
https://blgbt.org/services/support-services/domestic-violence/ |
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Intercom Trust - LGBTQ Domestic Abuse Helpline (South West England) |
Youth & Young People Organisations for Help
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Galop - LGBTQ+ Anti Abuse Charity (Nationwide) |
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AKT - Homelessness, Hidden Homelessness, Hostile Living Environment Support (Manchester, London, Newcastle & Bristol) (16 - 25 years old) |
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Childline - Anyone under 19 can use the chat, phone and emailing service for help in crisis or in need of support (Nationwide) |
LGBTQ+ Housing & Financial Advice Support
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Stonewall Housing - LGBTQIA+ Homelessness & Unsafe Living Environment (Nationwide) |
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The Outside Project - Community Shelter, Centre and Domestic Abuse Refuge (London)
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https://lgbtiqoutside.org/our-mission/
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AKT - Homelessness, Hidden Homelessness, Hostile Living Environment Support (Manchester, London, Newcastle & Bristol) (16 to 25 years old) |
https://www.akt.org.uk/get-immediate-support
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Micro Rainbow - Housing, employment advice, financial advice, social inclusion for asylum seekers and refugees (London, West Midlands & North West England) |
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England Shelter - LGBTQ+ Signposting, Advice & Support (Nationwide) |
https://england.shelter.org.uk
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16 + LGBTQ+ Support Groups & Counselling (Ages Provided)
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MindOut - Mental Health Charity, Peer Support Groups, 50+ Groups, Online Support Groups, Trans and Gender Diverse Groups (Brighton & Hove) (18+) |
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Pride Space CIC - Low Cost LGBTQ+ Counselling, LGBTQ+ Recovery Group for Addiction, Queer Socials and Writing Groups (Nottingham) (18+) |
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LGBT Health - Counselling for 16+ free or pay donation, Trans Counselling, Rainbow Family Events, 50+ LGBTQ Social & 1-1 Support, LGBTQ+ Carers Support, Support Groups & LGBTQ Events (16+) (Scotland) |
https://www.lgbthealth.org.uk/services-support/mental-health/counselling/ |
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Birmingham LGBT - LGBT Counselling, Trans & Non Binary Counselling, Wellbeing Support, Substance Support Service, Community Groups & Socials for LGBTQ+ (Birmingham) 18+ |
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London Friend - LGBTQ+ Free Counselling, Trans & Non-Binary Group, LGBTQ Drugs and Alchohol Support, LGBTQ Asylum Seeker and Refugee Help, LGBTQ+ Social Support Groups, (18+) (London) |
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Metro - LGBTQ+ Counselling, Support Groups, Youth Services, Sexual Health Services, Mental Health and Wellbeing Services (London) (18+) |
LGBTQ+ Youth Groups (Ages Provided)
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Birmingham LGBT - Trans & Non Binary Youth Support Group 13 - 19, Social Groups (13 - 19 years old) (Birmingham) |
https://blgbt.org/services/support-services/trans-and-non-binary-youth-group/ |
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Breakout Youth - LGBTQ+ - Support and Youth Groups (Hampshire & Isle of Wight) (11-25) |
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Gendered Intelligence - Counselling, Youth Groups, Support Groups (8 - 25) (London) |
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Hope this was helpful, stay safe out there!
- Queer Card Club x